Letter 3 - written on January 5, 2005
Seeking Employment

Hi Guys,

I had to write this down to get it off of my mind. This has been my biggest culture shock experience yet. More culture shock is sure to come in subsequent letters. :-).

Introduction: I had been told about this job by the brother of a former colleague (Alex). He also recommended me to his former boss, Miguel. A valet runner is someone who parks a car for a customer and then runs back to pick up the next one. It is not a dream job, but I figured it would be Ideal for me since I definitely need some exercise and air, and I was told people tip well.

I have already contacted Miguel and my first day of training is on Jan 12th. If I hadn’t had Alex' reference, then I probably would have been blown off by the human resources department: They basically do not interview you anymore, but let you fill out an online application that first asks for references like for a top management job and then ends with a "personality assessment" that basically insults you for 20 pages, asking completely undifferentiated questions about your personal life, and then drawing conclusions on how that may affect your work. The fact that one can have a life of his own, have his own viewpoints and his own human dignity, and still be friendly, diligent and productive at work evidently did not occur to the psychologist who created this assessment. I know, because the first time I filled out the online application I answered truthfully, just to give higher psychology a chance to show me that through the screen of their paranoid questions they might still be able to see the human being. Needless to say I was disappointed. I received a letter stating that they were "unable to find a match between your qualifications and our present needs". We’re talking a job that is a cross between Pizza delivery boy and waiter, right?

I had made one mistake though. I had applied for a position as a "Parking Lot Attendant" and not as "Valet Attendant". I had my doubts though, that that was the reason for the rejection. So I finally make up my mind to go there in person and set things straight. And lookee there, they are looking for "valet" and not for "parking lot" attendants. So I point this out to the lady behind the counter, and also mention that I had already been referred to Miguel, so would they please change my application from "parking lot" to "valet" and finally let me have an interview with a live person. The lady behind the counter basically looks up my file, makes a phone call (not to Miguel) puts on her best corporate smile, and then tells me to go home, everything would be taken care of, and they would contact me, ok? I leave, saying that it is not ok. Here I must thank Alex very much for referring me to Miguel beforehand. I phoned him and I am happy to say that he was finally a human being to talk to. He said that he had had other valet runners run into the same problems and he would arrange for me to be able to take the test again. Later I get a call from a woman named Kelly. She says that I did not fail the personality assessment, and they would expect me for training on Monday 9:00 am (I don't believe it).

On Monday it turns out that nobody is expecting me, but ahh, wait a minute, someone left a note, I should re-apply (and subject myself once again to 20 pages of insults). This time I answer like a good monkey who knows where his bananas come from. And presto, five minutes later I get called up again, here's the paperwork, what size do you need your uniform to be, sign here, and here and here, training will start on the 12th, 5pm to 8pm, be sure to wear comfortable all-black shoes, we'll take care of the rest of the uniform, we appreciate your business, thank you and good bye. Monkeyboy Andy leaves and celebrates the irony with a big banana milkshake (hot chocolate, actually).

Greetz

Andy