Letter 4 - written on Febuary 6, 2004
Do Not Act! (Part one)

Hi everyone,

It’s me again. The job is OK. I get fresh air and exercise and - most importantly - money. As soon as the DMV sends me my license plates I might even be able to move to a place with less cockroaches ###< ###< ###< ###< ###< ###< >### ###< .

But skip that. It’s about time for me to talk about acting. I have already finished the first quarter of classes and have started on the second quarter. So let me start at the beginning:

It began with my mother and my father being inspired by the birds and the bees..........TIMEWARP..... and all of a sudden I was 26 years old and had just realized that I did not have the faintest idea of what life was about. That as such is not necessarily bad and every sane individual would have just put this realization on the stack of unpaid bills, with the best intentions to do something about it one day. Or just add it to the stack of new years’ resolutions. That’s where it belongs anyway, right? And now you’ll only have to worry about it for a very brief period every year. Man, good organization DOES save you a lot of work! And this system seems to work everyone.

It didn’t work for me and that is why I have a story to tell. At the time of this revelation I was in the following situation: I had too little work (I had jus been “released” from my job in tech support) and , because of my severance pay I had too much money. This in itself is not a bad thing, but combined with a freshly discovered thirst for life and no obligations to speak of it is a potent mixture. Since my liver flat out refused to help in the digestion process the mixture happily fermented inside of me and finally rose to my head where it meddled a little with my synapses. This caused enough confusion to allow a loony old dream to escape from the “unrealistic” ward located in the deepest, darkest dungeon of the logic complex whose existence had been hushed up sometime during my teens. It rose to the surface of my conscience where it introduced itself to me as a good idea. “Go to LA and become an actor” for some odd reason suddenly sounded very convincing and actually seemed feasible or at least survivable. And whatever the outcome it promised an exciting journey full of life and the unexpected. I signed on the spot.

As I begin telling others of my decision, surprisingly, I find support for he Idea almost everywhere I turn. It turns out that Michael, a colleague of mine, has a brother (Alex) who has attempted to do the same thing a few years ago. He introduces us to one another and Alex gives me a treasure chest of useful information, tips and explanations. He even recommends me to his former employer. This should prove to be a lifeline later on (see previous mail). He also explains the different approaches the different schools have to acting and helps me find their web pages. At this point again a big thank you, Alex. Without your help I would have been quite stalled.

As a rule every acting school’s teachings are derived from THE METHOD which was introduced by a certain Constantin Stanislavski. His METHOD was the first actual theory of acting and, as some would argue, is still the only one. So I start looking for a school that is right for me and I find three, no actually two that make the finals: One is the Stella Adler Academy (it is world famous and Alex studied acting here) and Theatre Group Studio (small, but intriguing). Stella Adler would have you study full time and there are lessons for every aspect of this art form including movement, voice, accent reduction, dance, singing, fencing, etc. In short every tool you would need as an actor. The web site for TGS does not provide as many details so I decide giving both schools a call to see what’s what; the people at Stella Adler simply ask for my name and address to send me their Booklet and some other material. I then call Theatre Group Studio and find myself talking to the director herself, Lorinne Vozoff. The first thing she does is warn me: “If you are looking for money or you simply want to be on TV this is not the right place for you. If you are actually coming here for the love of acting you just might be able to support yourself by doing theatre”. After explaining to her that I was seeking the new and the unknown she seemed somewhat milder. Still she continued to warn me: “Have you already looked at other acting schools?” “Yes for example the Lee Strasberg Institute and Stella Adler.” “Both are excellent choices, but they focus on single aspects of THE METHOD. Strasberg focuses on emotion memory and Stella Adler focuses on imagination. And although I see communion as the most important aspect, it cannot sand alone. That is why here I teach all aspects of Stanislavski’s METHOD. Are you aware that we only offer one class per week?” “No” “We only give you one class per week, but we will give you enough to think about for the rest of the week. We believe acting is the search for the soul. You will be digging deep inside yourself and you might not like some of the things you dredge up. You WILL get to know yourself. You have to. You will not be able to avoid his. We only take twelve people per class, so everybody gets his turn. Do you still want to apply here?”

She could not know that she had just promised me the sky. Provided, of course, that she could keep her promise, this was exactly what I was looking for. And if she could not I could always switch schools. My decision was made. And I was accepted.

A lesson is three hours long and consists of two parts with a fifteen-minute break in between. We sit in a small auditorium with a small stage. During class we get to go on stage alone or in small groups. The audience (meaning the rest of us) has to refrain from any kind of comment on their classmates’ work during class. Only during the break are we allowed to share our thoughts about each other’s performances. Cell phones and tardiness are deadly sins. By now there have been a few situations that showed me why: There is a very delicate process unfolding on stage and the smallest interruption can cause it to collapse. These were the only times I have seen our teacher angry. Otherwise she gives explanations and asks us questions in a very calm manner. The single goal of the first quarter is for us to have at least one honest emotion on stage. That’s it. Our teacher calls this “mining for emotional gold”. Each one of us is supposed to collect a kind of mental treasure chest containing access to the feelings that are otherwise deeply buried. The first lessons we took were supposed to confront us with things we had long forgotten or pushed aside. During this time two things have never ceased to impress me; for one the intensity, range and beauty of what we all carry within ourselves and are only scarcely aware of and secondly our teacher’s ability to in the presence of the others reach and lay bare our vulnerable core without ever scarring it or exposing it to ridicule. She keeps telling us: “This is only for you. Do not act. Do not act for the audience. Be honest. This is only for you. Be honest to yourself.” “Why should we not act?” “Because it is not honest. Because people come to the theater to be touched emotionally. Craft the surroundings, the circumstances; but not the emotions. They have to be real. That is the goal of this exercise: To find a way of accessing your feelings. If you are on stage and the muse kisses you will have no need for technique. But if not, the worst thing you can do is to resort to imitation. In moments like these you must be able to lure your emotions.”

click here for part two...