Letter 4 - written on Febuary 6, 2004
Do Not Act! (Part two)

Our first exercise was very simple: There was a bench on the stage. Each of us was asked to come on stage and sit on it. That’s it. After a while our teacher would say: “Thank you very much” and the next person was asked to take a seat. I had already read this exercise. The goal is to sit on the bench as if the audience is not there. That is not easy. I had the feeling that I had to sit on the bench longer than the ones before me. Finally I got the feeling that I had to do something. I began imagining a little squirrel that I would follow with my eyes. Pretty soon I got my “Thank you”. The teacher sounded like she had had high hopes but had been disappointed.

The second exercise was a lot more intense. Each of us had to sit on the bench again and follow the following instructions: Imagine yourself in a place you do not have to fear to be yourself.
If you can, try to keep your eyes open.
What do you see around you?
Is it light outside?
What time is it?
What can you see when you look in front of you?
Is someone with you?
What is he/she doing?
What do you hear?
What do you smell?

Now go to a point in your life after which your life has changed. It should be a moment, not a phase of development.
If you can, try to keep your eyes open.
What do you see around you?
Is it light outside?
What time is it?
Is someone with you?
What is he/she doing?

You do not have to tell us what has happened. This is only for you. Try re-creating this moment as precisely as possible. This is just for you.

What can you see when you look in front of you?
What do you hear?
What do you smell?

There were tears on stage as well as in the audience. When the student was visibly shaken the teacher would ask. “Can you imagine using these feelings on stage?” The answer was always yes. There never was any criticism, only a “That was beautiful” for those that had cried. On this day we learned very little about one another. Although the questions had always been adjusted to the situation (what color is the telephone, is she wearing make up) but had never been invasive. The questions were mostly answered and if the student wanted he or she would tell some more, but they were never pushed. Die Fragen wurden meistens beantwortet, und wenn derjenige auf der Bühne wollte, erzählte er mehr, aber es wurde niemand dazu veranlasst. Some of the situations described are still a mystery and that is he way it is supposed to be. This only was about finding access to yourself, not to dissect yourself in front of the others.

The exercise was repeated the second week, but this time you were not supposed to answer. Most of the students were not silent though but asked questions where they were unsure or the technique did not seem to work. The teacher usually would answer with another question. I am amazed by the teacher’s ability to feel her way into such vaguely described situations. She seems very conscious of the things she does not know about the student and delivers her questions without arrogance, without prejudice and without forcing or driving the student. After the exercise she would ask questions like: “Did you take the same situation as last time, what did you feel, what was different?” We found out that last week’s exercise had really affected some of us. Wir erfuhren, dass die Übung letzte Woche einige von uns wirklich mitgenommen hatte. One of us had spent 20 minutes in her car after class before she had been calm enough to start the engine. We also raised the question why the majority of turning points in our lives are negative. It seems that positive events are less likely to get us thinking.

I was late for the third lesson. Mrs. Vozoff had been there and had delivered a little speech. Our teacher (her name is Kate) was about to begin classes. Mrs. Vozoff was in the act of leaving and I ran into her just as I entered through the door. The shot exchange that followed caused me to feel guilty for the entire rest of the lesson:
LV: (quietly, but very sternly) You must not be late.
AA: I know.
LV: You cannot be late here.
AA: I know.
LV: We only have very little time, and interrupting what little we have is irresponsible. AA: I know.

This time we were to try a different approach of reaching our emotions. We were to write a letter that would pose a risk to us if we were indeed going to send it. We were supposed to get to the point as quickly as possible. After about two minutes of writing we would be interrupted with the question: “Does the other person know it yet?” After this there were other questions similar to the last exercise. Many of us had problems visualizing the entirety of impact that sending this letter would make, others had nothing to lose by sending the letter, but were unaware of that, yet another one of us claimed having no secrets. Not every approach works the same for everybody. I could see that now. Poeple who were able to reach deep into themselves in the previous exercise were now blocking themselves from doing so and vice versa. There was not enough time for everyone to write their letter, because after the break we did some improve with Mrs. Vozoff. It consisted of a given situation (A chapel, a coffin, in it a self-destroyer. Enter about three minutes apart: the dead person’s best friend, his spouse, his lover. Each was to reflect on the dead body for a few minutes then they sit down on the bench and the next person enters). The goal of the exercise was to give you fellow actors a problem to work with. I f there is no problem there is no situation that would justify an appearance on stage. Also every actor is thankful for a problem you give him, because otherwise there is no reason for interaction on stage. Every time the situation would go in the direction of peace, love and understanding Mrs. Vozoff would stop us and add some points of conflict. Here also not everybody got their turn. Next week we would continue. I had not had a turn on either exercise. Coincidence or was it because I had been late?

4th week: I got to write my letter. Here I finally found my connection. The teacher seemed impressed and called my work excellent. As far as I am aware she had not used that word before. Imrov was interrupted by a ringing cell phone and I saw the teacher really angry fort the first time. The scene had to be started all over again. I did not get my turn on improv this week either, but I would have it the week after.

5th week: We continued on improv. This time we were not only to focus on giving our partner a problem (there is no merit to acting a scene in which everyone agrees), but also to follow a certain objective of our own. It is not easy to keep an eye on that while you are being confronted with a steadily changing situation. In the course of the scene it can happen that your goal is completely reversed or that the actors work from different assumptions. When this became evident the teacher would stop us and we would discuss the action so far. Then we would repeat the scene. Oftentimes it would develop into a completely different direction than before, but usually it would be better and also more interesting than the previous attempt. Afterwards the teacher would ask us questions like: Who gave you a problem? Your problem may not be with a dead object. As soon as there is someone else on stage your problem has to lie with a living being on stage. What was your goal in this situation? What did you do to reach this goal? When that did not work how did you vary your action?
I addition to that we were to work with objects that had to be given some meaning: e.g. a music box that had supposedly been given to us by another member of the group or an unopened letter containing correspondence about an unresolved problem (maybe a letter from an attorney, an ex-spouse or boss, please work out the details yourself, you have about one minute to prepare and let’s go). This provided for new triangle exercises (like the funeral scene), also there were scenes with five or six people that contained 2 or more triangle situations.

6th Week: Physical conditions: Hangover, illness, drunkenness, pain. Woche: Körperliche zustände: Kater, Gebrechen, Trunkenheit, Schmerz. Each of us was called on stage and follow the teacher’s instructions. She gave us some quick information about the nature of our pain and a little bit of situation. The rest was left to us. I was to have an unexplained pain in my leg and also was supposed to fear it might be something tragic. At the end of the exercise the teacher asked me if I had been able to feel the pain. I sayd no and she asked me to do the exercise again. This time I actually tried to summon a feeling of pain, but I did not focus on anything else and my acting was over-exaggerated. I had actually already read about the answer to this problem in Stanislavski’s book: A lot of actors conjure up their entire imagination to actually see the ghost they are supposed to be seeing on stage. This does not leave much capacity for the role itself. That is exactly what I was experiencing. It is much better to ask oneself: What IF there really is a ghost? Stanislavski often speaks of the „magic if“.

There was another scene that impressed me: One of us was supposed to be drunk. First after four, then six, then seven beers. He was good. Very good. He showed us a drunk man in his own four walls without exaggeration or dramatization. As he was sitting on the bench, drunk as a lord, something unexpected happened. Another student came to the front and whispered something into our teacher’s ear. The teacher then told our “drunkard” that his daughter was about to come on stage and find him there, drunk. A scene unfolded in which the daughter finds her father drunk at home (again) and strikes up a conversation with a mixture of cynicism humor, anger, disdain, love and resignation in her voice. He on the other hand is trying very hard not to seem drunk. Something was happening on that stage, which I could not quite fathom. I did not have to wait long for an answer, though. As the scene was finished she explained to us that her father had been drunk quite often. Als die Szene zu Ende war, erklärte sie uns dass ihr Vater ständig besoffen war und sie schon von früher Kindheit an für sich selbst sorgen musste. At the age of 13 she finally was allowed to make her own money and finally could achieve some independence. It simply was a scene that had to be played. And although there were no tears on stage the scene was definitely the most powerful thing I had yet witnessed on that stage. As it also turned out our “drunkard” had only been drunk three times in his life.

7th week: Precious objects. Everyone was supposed to bring an object that meant a lot to them. Our teacher let us explain pretty much without directing our story or asking questions. In this lesson we learned a lot about one another. What stories there were hidden in these people, people who had not ever really talked with one another except on the short breaks. One of us had a coin that was given to him for being a member of AA for 12 years. Another had independently invented Lessing’s Ring Parable by having two exact copies made of a ring that means a lot to him so he can bequeath one to each of his daughters, without even himself knowing which one is the actual original. I brought my lucky Raven, the only thing I posses, that still reminds me of my great grandmother. Here I believe this lesson a lot of the walls hat were between us, that had separated us as strangers, finally came down. I left the theater with a feeling of wonder. All of a sudden there was a kind of familiarity among us, among people who had only known one another for 35 hours and had spent most of that time silently sitting next to one another.

8th week: The last lesson of this quarter. The new quarter will begin in a few weeks and will contain 12 instead of eight lessons. Today’s topic: Imagination. Go on stage and be a tree.
What kind of tree are you?
Where do you grow?
What do you do there?
If you could tell the people you see just one thing what would you say?
There were many more questions, these are just those that everybody was asked. The others were individual questions directed at the tree on stage specifically. There were many beautiful trees. Simply great: the arrogant bonsai. I cannot describe it you had to be there. The most impressive I found the pine tree that wanted to toell the logger: “not yet“.
As for myself I can only say that my best part on stage so far was when I was playing a tree, but please do not tell anyone. What followed were some questions and answers and some improv. (A triangle exercise in which I had to decide between my girlfriend and my brother, who claimed that she was bad news for me and that she was cheating on me.) All in all a good and worthy end to the last quarter.

And speaking of end, on that note, I think I will.

Andy